Fear and Paranoia
“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives (Genesis 50:20).”
I love this verse, coupled with, “. . . with man this is impossible, but not with God, all things are possible with God (Mark 10:27).” Again in Romans 8:31, “If God is for us, who can be against us?” I am often astonished at my fear and desire to get what I want. My mind builds arguments and excuses like a master mason building a fortified wall. I am paranoid and dissect conversations I have had with people. “What is their intention?” I ask. “Why did they put inflection on that word?” Or, “What is their intention?” Each question is one more brick in my wall of isolation and paranoia. It’s fear ruling my life.
I catch myself trying to outsmart and outmaneuver the challenges in my life. I don’t allow myself to enjoy blessings from others many times. I overthink their kindness. I become suspicious and paranoid.
The greatest strength I have found is trust. Trust in God. When I trust in His righteousness, or living a life in righteousness I protect my being, my soul. Oddly, I protect my heart by making it vulnerable. I trust God will bring out the good to accomplish the best. It’s all God knows how to do. “. . . And God saw that it was good (Genesis 1:10).” He overflows with good and good gifts or blessings.
Certainly life is unfair, but I believe if you ask Joseph, (Genesis 50) God is good. He was disliked by his brothers due to no fault of his own. After being sold into slavery, he soon found himself in jail for doing the right thing. I believe Joseph would testify, life is not fair. However, he remained faithful and continued in righteousness, he trusted in God. It’s easy for us to look back with hindsight, but in the moment many of us would say he would be justified in asking God why. Similar to Job’s wife, many of us would have advised Joseph to curse God and die.
In the end, Joseph’s faith in God was rewarded with God’s faithful fulfillment of His promises to Abraham.
“I will bless those who bless you,
and whoever curses you I will curse;
and all peoples on earth
will be blessed through you. ”
Joseph remained faithful, even when he had an opportunity to repay his brothers in kind. I believe God fulfilled His promise to us through Jesus. Through my sacrifice I will find life. This means I’m not looking for God to curse those who curse me, but I am faithful I will receive my promise in full when God says to me at the end, “. . . ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’”
Though death may one day take my body and it may be meant for evil, God will intend it for Good. This may be impossible for man but all things are possible for God. For if God is for us, who can be against us?
Blessings and peace to you as you continue to live faithfully in the one who keeps His promises.